June 5, 2005

getting anxious

so today i picked up ronda from the airport and then spent the day preparing for my trip. i've called all the credit cards, banks, and insurance companies. i started setting aside the things i'm going to pack, organized documents, started collecting phone numbers, started writing a lists of things left todo, and started making a list of stuff i still need to buy.

"need" might actually be too strong a word. i'm probably over thinking and over preparing and it'll turn out a lot of crap that i "need" will never be used. hell, i've practically got an entire pharmacy that i'm planning to bring.
while staring at the growing pile of crap i'm planning to take, i'm still dreaming that i'll fit it all into my kelty 2400 cu inch backpack that i use every day. (instead of taking my hiking back pack. i've used the kelty for three week trips and that has worked out just fine, but this is a bit longer.) this might be a little far fetched, but i think it would force me into a minimalist mode, which would be good because there would be less for me to worry about.
lastly, the past couple days i've actually been getting a little anxious. i'm starting to wonder what the hell i've actually gotten myself into. i'm sure everything will work out fine once i'm there, but saying that doesn't exactly relieve the anxiety that's setting in now. (i think i was also a bit anxious before leaving for china.) damn stupid uncontrollable anxiety. i hate my brain sometimes. i also checked the weather in hanoi, and it doesn't exactly look good. and to help with my anxiety i've been reading about the side effects of my malaria pills (malarone), reading about drug side effects really isn't a good thing for anxiety relief. (my favorite quote: "Take a repeat dose of atovaquone and proguanil if vomiting occurs within 1 hour of taking a dose.")
well, i'm off to bed. one more day to go.

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